If anything was different

I have been thinking today how great everything is. How different my life would have been if any choice has been made differently. What if I had not joined the army? or married Shawn? or lost Shawn in eaither deployment? Or what if Johnny had been a girl? Would I be this happy? I really don't think so...my life is so settled...right the way I am. When I kiss that little monkey good night, and cuddle up next to Shawn, my heart soars as I finally relax. I stress and I worry, but at the end of the day...life is GREAT!!!!!

I was worried before Johnny was born that as his mother our relationship would be behind father son and mother daughter, but I was very wrong. My little man is just that. I don't know how to explain the way I love him, the special connection, it isn't the way I thought it was going to be. Right now I protect him, love him and care for him...but I can feel the prince in him, my big boy who will always my little man. I am not sure it makes any sense in words.