A Sunbeam to Warm you, A Moonbeam to Charm You, A Sheltering Angel, That Nothing May Harm You

Friday, February 27, 2009


I have been struggling with making official mother like decisions lately. Largely I follow my instincts and things turn out great....but when it comes to things like vaccines it is hard for me...so much is at risk. Johnny is on the recommend AAP vaccine schedule, we didn't delay or split up anything and it has worked out great for us...however that is not true for everyone. Here is a website I took from Mac's blog (see side bar) ( thanks Mac's mom :)


Ian died of a sever reaction to the Hep B vaccine which is recommend to be given before the child leaves the hospital. This is a 1 in 1.1 million chance...but it happened and it scares the crap out of me. Be careful when you look at this page...the pictures of this adorable perfect little boy can be hard to see.
On the same website the mother of Ian who lost her son to a vaccine posted an article from Newsweek about the lack of trust in AAP and the vaccine schedule.


I thought it was very insightful. Ian's mom wrote "Parents-please pay attention to both sides of the topic, your child's life could count on it!" Though this article focuses on the autism scare, it has the same effect for all vaccines. I don't want to follow blindly anything when it comes to Johnny, I want questions answered and information given and found...but on that same note I need to be able to trust scientist and pediatricians that they have my child's and all children s best interests in mind and that they "recommend" what is truly best from all angles. I can't imagine Johnny not being able to show his true intelligence because he came down with autism because I didn't know enough about vaccines, but also I can't imagine him dieing of a preventable disease because I didn't let him get a vaccine because I was afraid of a autism.

On the same note is the BPA scare that came to light a few weeks after Johnny was born. How am I supposed to know what chemicals will leach into my son's food and how those will effect him without people who know what they are talking about...people get paid to know and research these things. The BPA was easy, we switched bottles (now thank goodness most companies are removing the BPA without being told to) but delaying vaccines is much harder and fighting with your pediatrician is not fun, especially when they are military officers.
Here are my facts as I see them. While researching vaccines it is hard to pull fact from people who are stretching stats and using very persuasive language. My son is healthy, I am blessed.

Added two hours after original post

I was reading more and there are families who are homeschooling their kids in order to avoid vaccines all together...this thought makes me panic a little...what do they know that we don't. Home schooling is such a big undertaking and changes children's lives in so many ways. We had thought about it, but I don't trust me enough :) (i got the rest of this info off the above blog from Ian's voice website, I can't understand the loss, but I can understand the position)

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

tunnel play

Yes I take too many pictures...oh well he is just too cute not to

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Iky, messy, clingy...that is my life

Johnny fell asleep in my arms today so I layed him down on the couch next to me and it was adorable!! It has been so long since I have watched him sleep like this. Don't worry I was sitting directly next to him the entire time! He slept here for a full hour!I touched him and he cured up like a bug.

He has taken to a few of his books. One being "five little ducks" and the other being this cookie monster book(both given to him by Papa)...he brought it to me to read to him and then read it to me :) not out loud though (and yes that is a cookie monster shirt he is wearing!)

Johnny has been a clingy monkey since Shawn left, here is Johnny playing right under my legs (normally he walks around or plays in the ball pit or something) He needed to be close to me

Here again, right up from his nap and not wanting to be put down or leave my side he is leaning his full weight on my leg.I just love the monkey on the butt of this outfit!

So Shawn will be home in three days and we miss him a lot!!! I seem to have a slight head cold, just enough to drain the energy I need for the extra chores around the house and make me feel iky. But it is no big deal. Johnny is extra needy without Shawn here and the special time he would normally get with him. He still doesn't want to be held, but wants constant interaction and to be close by all the time...i must say I need it too, so it is okay!

Johnny got some special food the last few days. I made rosemary chicken, baby style (that is boiled and mashed with chicken stock) and he really loves it. We also started yogurt again (last time it upset his tummy a lot) and he loves that too, actually couldn't get the vanilla in his mouth fast enough and no belly problems.

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday and the first day of lent, we are headed to church with Grams and our family.

Sunday, February 22, 2009


Johnny and I got rid of Shawn for the week...he is headed to Virginia for some training....I am not much looking forward to this week without him, but he will be back in five days, and my clean house will become a mess again :)

It occurred to me today that most you might not know what Johnny is like on a daily basis, myself I am in shock at how different he is even from a few months ago. The child I had in September is not the child I have now, and it frightens me how my memories of him are already being limited and replaced...if only I could remove every thought from my mind and only remember every second of his life...I would...but anyways I thought I would take a few minutes and write a short log of what kind of child Johnny is at 11 months (ya that is right he is less then a month away from not being a baby anymore, holy crap i am going to cry again)

Johnny is very outgoing and social. He recognizes people in his life and greats them with smiles and running towards them. He especially loves other children. When our friend Chloe comes to visit he laughs and reaches for her immediately and when we sees his cousin Ella he follows her and wants to do everything she does. He reaches for his 2 month old cousin Wyatt and tries to touch him, has even given up his pacifier to him. Johnny will smile and laugh at strangers and so often I notice people around us noticing him and talking about him or to him.

In the house he can be a destructive force, but that is only because he is curious. He wants to search through every cabinet and drawer and he wants to know how far he can push us. He doesn't cry, but does complain and even throws a small fit when something is taken away or when he bumps his head and knows you saw him. He likes to take anything and throw it behind the gate that blocks off the steps, anything that is missing, I know that is where he put it. He also loves to carry his sippy cup (even empty) curled in one arm as he walks around the house.

Johnny's faces really give him the most personalty. As our family in Ohio recently discovered. He will scowl at you for any reason, specifically if you are new to him or if you have taken something away or done something he doesn't think is funny, but was supposed to be. He will also raise one eye brow in question. The funniest thing I think is right before he yells out, when I tell him stop or speak loud to him, his eyes get real big and his entire face goes with it, then he scrunches and sticks his bottom lip out and starts yelling at you...it is hard not to laugh at him, he looks so appalled at what is going on.

He still won't clap, but bangs his hands on the closest surface, or you. He has hit a stage where he doesn't want to be held for too long or cuddled, he pushes away and goes in his own, unless he is in a sweet mood, or tired. At that point he will come up to you and lay his head on your leg or foot, and it is so so so sweet. He is easy to make smile or laugh and likes slap stick the best. Daddy will use Johnny's legs to "kick" me and Johnny thinks that is hilarious. If you pretend to eat him or tickle his legs you get the biggest belly laugh. But the most fun is in chasing and being chased, he loves the anticipation of being caught. His babbles are great, but no solid words yet that are steady, he says things that sound like "doggy" or "okay" and has "daddada" and "mamama" down, but hasn't connected them to us yet. However Shawn is certain Johnny will be "too smart for his own good." I am with him!!!

As I write this I realize how hard it is to put him and all he does into words. It breaks my heart and I am scared that in 20 years all I will have is pictures and vague stories to remember these days.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009


the very first picture taken of Johhny first tooth, courtesy of Grams Feb 14, 2009..10 months old

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Tattoo Pictures

Becoming a mother has changed me and my life and my out look on everything. I wanted something to show that, to have with me and to signify how much I love Johnny and how blessed I am be his mother. Such a significant life event deserves a significant tattoo (I guess stretch marks don't count) Four leaf clover for the luckiest day of my life...Saint Patrick's day 2008, the knot work inside the clover for the unending connection between us, the hearts inside the leafs of the clover for love of mother and son, and the blue flowers because well he is a boy and I thought they were pretty. I love my tattoo!!!! It took four hours and yes it hurt!!! Christian (our family tattoo artist, he has officially tattooed every member of my family) was very careful and took his time, I did not make it easy on him....sorry. When it hurt the most I found my self soothing Johnny..saying "it's okay it's okay" and "shhhhh shhhhh" which is what I do when he is mad or hurt. Then saying over and over "momma loves you" I looked at the tattoo for the first time and cried, I was so over whelmed.
Okay now that I am done over analysing I will move on....Johnny had another fun day in Ohio and has had a bout of teething with papa, who just holds him and sooths him, perfectly. He got to play with his second cousins Bennett and Asilinn, but wanted to follow Ella around where ever she went (who was following Asilinn, who is a couple years older then Ella) But Johnny has had no trouble going to all of his extended family and feeling comfortable to not be angry just because we are not there. I think it is wonderful that he is so secure with us that he knows and trusts that we will be back, and is comfortable enough with his Grams and Papa that they can sooth him and go day to day with them with no problem, even into a completely new environment. That being said I miss him so much!!!! I admire Shawn so much for letting me take him for weeks to visit home when we lived in Kansas, or even to have been in Iraq for those months. I don't know how much longer I can be away from Johnny. I honestly feel as if a piece of my heart is gone, I need him here. (which makes me take a step back to think how my parents felt when i left home for the army, or even Shawn's parents when he went to Iraq)
It was nice to reconnect to Shawn and not rush through our day to feed or nap, to get some solid work done in the house, I feel revitalised, but I need my monkey head baby boy. I am glad he got this special time, but I am ready for him to come home, we are waiting with a lot of new cloths, new bath toys, and and PERFECT room for him to play in!!!

Saturday, February 14, 2009

First Chocolate

His very first chocolate, was a milk chocolate heart from Momma for his very first Valentines DayHoly Crap he likes it....huge surprise!!
Taking bites and making a mess!! That is the way we like it!
Chocolate high and happiness

And then comes the craziness, but he loved the heart!! and ate most of it and was wonderful about it, it took him about 40 minutes. He ate a very healthy organic breakfast before this excursion and I have no doubt he will still eat anything you put in front of him, veggies and eggs included.

This morning was a lot of fun, it means a lot to me to give him this special first and to be able to give him these special treats. We all played for the rest of the morning and laughed a lot.
These are Johnny kisses...he bangs his head into yours :) My little cave man!!
This was one of Momma's other presents to her love bandit...a stuffed Hersey kiss...green :)

Johnny is getting ready to leave so I am going to hold him and squeeze him and probably cry.

Happy Valentines Day all!

Friday, February 13, 2009


Johnny's room...changing table becomes a bookshelf and Momma's teenage papazan chair becomes a baby soothing station! This is what Momma is trying to get done today, there are boxes in the upstairs hallway!
However Johnny believes that Momma is torturing him by not playing with him this moment

Momma has felt so bad and sat down with Johnny but he is still angry...no tears though

Momma is ticking and playing with me but I am angry Momma you tried to clean!

Okay I forgive you
This is our day :)
The downstairs looks wonderful but we have neglected the upstairs. It is coming along.
Johnny will be going to Ohio this week end to visit Grandpap Dennison who is back in the hospital in Ohio. Johnny is going with Grams and Pops, Ella, Uncle Chuckles, Aunt Chel and Wyatt. Mommy and Daddy are staying behind this week end. We are praying for Grandpap since his heart isn't very Strong and with all of the meds he has been on, he now may have an ulcer. But he is strong and happy for the most part. I am scared to let Johnny go...not that he won't be in amazing hands and have a wonderful time...but I will miss him so much...I can't even explain my heart already misses him and he is just asleep upstairs. We have never been apart from him this long and we know it will effect us much more then him! And if there was ever a reason or group of people to do this with, it is perfect. To go and make Grandpap feel a little better and spend some time with his grams and Papa and cousins. And giving momma and dadda and chance to be together and get some hard core work done.

Aside from that Johnny is feeling very much better!!! He is sleeping great again and his nose has slowed down it's running...he hasn't had a fever in two days and just seems to have better spirits. He gets excited when Shawn comes home from work...actually running to the door and yelling "dadadadadadadadadadadadada!" it is wonderful to see and it makes Shawn so happy! Johnny really is his own person more and more every day. He will sit and read books, but would prefer to be exploring, walking randomly and pulling anything out of everywhere. Our house is a mess, but he is so happy and getting smarter. Even with no teeth he is taking bites of food and chewing like teeth are really in there. He eats like a horse! and is still getting bigger. We recently cleaned out his closet again and discovered he needs 18-24 month cloths and had to go shopping. He walks everywhere and barrels threw what he can't pick up. I wish I could find words for everything he is doing and how much he has grown. It scares me....I feel like he has always been like this, but then again I feel like it was last week when I was afraid he wouldn't crawl. I wish I could find words for the person that he is, this amazing smart, funny, energetic person who needs his family and loves just to be able to see things from a new point of view. It is amazing. Before he was born I thought it would be easy to document all of his first and words and steps and growths, but he is doing so much so fast all at once that I am lost in a whirl wind of what he can do....Grams and Pops watched him stand up from sitting with nothing to stand up with just yesterday. I miss him and I love him and tomorrow he gets his first chocolate.


I bet you didn't even know I lost it, but that is what happens when there are boxes EVERYWHERE!!! But here is a run down from the past few weeks and moving in.

Hey he fits in a sink...who would have thought...
These are our friends. Jeff is putting and Chloe (daughter) is far left, then Ella and then Johnny, during a visit to our firend's house, all the kids where very taken in by Jeff's amazying golf skill.
Johnny enjoying no furniture in our new living room.

Grams giving Johnny a bottle and a nap in the empty dinning room while we where preparing the house for the furniture.Papa making our kitchen baby proofed
Johnny has hit his stage of wanting to eat what everyone else is...so see his first pizza (crust only) I know what you are thinking...he has no teeth, you crazy parents he will choke...but you would be wrong...yes no teeth, but it didn't stop him from taking bites with his amazying gums and eating that pizza crust like a 6 year old!!!!Sitting on boxes
Momma's empty craft room

Playing with Daddy who taught him how to hit the ball with the bat!
Baby's room with furinture and boxes!!

Monday, February 9, 2009

double the infection, double the fun

Our poor little monkey has a double ear infection, his very first ear infection. Shawn took him to see his new pediatrician this morning and that was what they said. He has his pink chalky medicine twice a day and Tylenol when his fever spikes (102 this morn) It is all very exciting I know. :) Johnny doesn't seem to be very effected really, he shakes his head back and forth and can't sleep (since he then coughs himself awake) His babbles are horse and his nose runs into his mouth. But he is running around, eating anything and tearing apart nicely put away cloths, books and toys. He will be just fine!

Saturday, February 7, 2009


walking and drinking at the same time

proof Johnny can't be trusted with grape juice
Super man away...cape and all

Look at how talented and how much he loves his momma

I am sorry this has taken so long, we get internet at the house on Monday, today we are visiting Grams and Pops and using their internet...settling in is going great!!! The downstairs is all done and the upstairs is going slowly. It is great to have so much room and to take our time going threw our stuff peice by peice and get rid of the crap we don't need. Shawn has really dived into his job and making the clinic a better place to work and be. He goes to reinlistment school (to learn to keep people in the army) this month and another training in march to learn to be in charge of civilians.
Johnny is super mobile and walking nearly every where now!!! Still falling s little, but holy crap he is getting old. His birthday is in 38 days, we are planning his party for the 21st. It will be a lot of fun. I will try to update on monday when we get our internet with some better pictures these are just off my phone.