Monday, July 26, 2010
I am sorry to my baby boy
My Dearest Johnny,
You have been injured. I hope that as you are reading this, you have no scars, and no memories of these events. You burned you right arm and hand on a fire pit at a family party. Everyone who loves you is blaming themselves, and that is a lot of people. You tripped right into the fire, thankfully someone grabbed you up quickly and sprayed you down. We are lucky only your hand was burned. But that burn on your hand is bad enough, little you should never have to feel this kind of pain, not you now or ever! I just wish I could take it on for you. I would take the pain and the blisters and everything that is going to come with this, so that you could just play again.
After it happened you kept putting your hands to my mouth as if my kisses could make all the pains go away. I never realized how magical my kisses where until I couldn't make the pain go away any more. We gave you ice water and that seemed to be exactly what you needed. With you burned hands in the water you finally smiled and laughed at a movie and asked Mommy to read you books and sing you songs, you loved "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and had Mommy changed it to "Itsy Bitsy Butterfly." You kept saying sorry every few minutes and we kept telling you you didn't need to say you where sorry, we are sorry.
As you tried to go to bed the first night you kept trying to put your arms under you as you layed on your stomach and then you would cry out in pain. Mommy held you all night with your hands in my hands so you couldn't accidentally hurt them again. No one but you slept that night.
You Mommy and Lily headed home the next morning and Daddy took us to Patient First so a doctor could look at you. We where give antibiotics and cream and told it would take more then a month to heal. The next day your pediatrician told us you would need more care then that. They cleaned your burns and wrapped them up for you, after it was done you thanked everyone in the office for your "boo boo." We now have an appointment for you at Johns Hopkins pediatric burn center. We know now that because your burn is on your hand we have to be more careful about your healing, so you don't lose any movement in your joints. It hurts me to think that the rest of your summer will be spent out of the pools, sandboxes and playgrounds, so you can heal fully.
Mommy and Daddy are coming through this with a renewed passion for you and your sister and everything that keeps you safe and healthy. Though this was an accident, you never think it will be your child that it will happen to. I want to tell you that nothing like this will ever happen again, but what I can say is there is not a person in your life whose heart isn't broken by this and who won't be taking every step with you, putting you and your sister and cousins above all else in the world! I am a Mommy before I am anything else!
You are an amazing little man! You just keep going, holding your bandaged hand in the air around everything that you do. You still play dinosaurs and chase the cat, you still dance and sing and say please and thank you. You have told Mommy "don't walk toward the fire pit" and assured me as I cried "but I okay Momma," with your good hand on your chest.
The next week will show us what the next few months will be like for you. I want you to know we love you and there is nothing that will keep us from keep you safe and making you happy! You are my big boy and you just keep showing me how strong and sweet you are, day by day I am amazed by you.