A Sunbeam to Warm you, A Moonbeam to Charm You, A Sheltering Angel, That Nothing May Harm You

Saturday, March 7, 2009


Just so everyone gets how much johnny likes his ball pit, here he is in his jammies enjoying a morning drink looking outside...sitting in his ball pit. Sometimes he just sits in it, chews on the balls, climbs out and then dives in! It is really cute.

After a long day today, Daddy needed a nap and it was time for Johnny's. The point is, oh my god look how huge Johnny is!!! It looks like Shawn is sleeping next to a middle schooler. FREAKY! STOP GROWING!Papa came to visit us after work one day and brought Johnny a book. It was really nice.

These two are Momma's attempt at a sweet one year picture. This is the blanket I made for Johnny when he was born and was used for his hospital pictures. I like it except the binkie takes away and when I would remove it, he woke up and yelled at me. Will try again later.

So apparently I either blog a million times in a week or just a lot of pictures in one post. Sorry guys. I am not sure if it was a busy week. Sure does feel like it. Shawn has the stomach bug Johnny and I had last week and it has not been much fun. Terrie came to the house and took Johnny's one year pictures today and I think they went well. Some formal shots in Shawn's dress blues and then some fun shots in nothing but a diaper and a green bow tie. I will post them as soon as I get the disk. Aside from that there is not much to report on. Sorry, life is normal.

I guess I can take this opportunity and write about a mother and a year past. In the next 10 days I will write a lot and cry a lot about how much Johnny has changed, but I have changed to. The mother I thought I would be was not the mother I was when Johnny was born and the mother I was when Johnny was born is not the mother I am now. I was hypervigilent and sure that I would not use any disposable diapers or formula, that I would log every moment of his life and keep track of every first, never forgetting a second of his life.

Formula turned out to be the best option for us and traveling brought disposable diapers around more often. I am behind on his baby book and some times some one realizes he is doing something he wasn't before and I already feel like he has been doing it forever, not being able to remember or know if I even truly noticed the moment it started. I am a much more relaxed mother then I wanted to be, but I think it is best. I scoffed at people who told me I would stop running to him every moment he made a noise or can't do something for himself, but in reality I have learned the cry that means he needs me and the cry that means he just wants me to do something for him, and I have learned when to let him struggle and when to help. (Though I still probably pick him up more often then he really needs, but I love that he just wants me sometimes .) I wonder if every mother or parent gets to this point, trusting so much in the health of their child and their own instincts that they no longer do those things like prewash cloths or sterilize cups or have we just grown out of those things. Will I do them again when we have a second child. Do we revert again to that hypervigilent new mother? Or do we just lose that as nothing goes wrong and we think we are immune?

So many thinks change and so many things don't go the way you thought they would, but it doesn't mean that it didn't go right. Nothing has really gone wrong for us and we are truly blessed. I am glad for the mother that i am no matter what I thought I would be.


Tara said...

great post :)

Natalie said...

You have blossomed into a great mother. When you first had Johnny, I felt like you were still so young--but you have matured into an amazing woman. And no--I think we lose the hyper-vigilence with the second (at least it feels that way with Sam so far!). Great Post!